My Star-Crossed Theory
When most people speak about star-crossed lovers, they’re referring to William Shakespeare’s famous story Romeo and Juliet. The two teenagers were thrown together by fate (the stars) and fell in love but due to their family circumstances, they were forced apart. Romeo and Juliet’s love (and lives) were forfeited to bring a greater understanding to both their families that hate only begets more misery.
The societal pressures placed on two people who are attracted to each other will always be in factor in whether a relationship survives, but more importantly, personal experience, self-esteem and time plays a much bigger role.
First of all, when you feel that you have found your soul mate, you are bringing all your personal experiences and everything that you’ve learned about yourself to the table. Are you a giving person? Do you approach people aggressively? Have you had many tragedies in your life or maybe you’ve had very few disappointments? Any number of variations can be spun on the complex web of one’s life making each person entirely and irrevocably unique. The total of these experiences makes us who we are.
Second, when we look at what we have done with our lives, do we really like ourselves? The person you will always go to sleep with and wake up with is you. Are you happy to be with who you have become? Are you satisfied with the way you handle situations or are you constantly disappointed in yourself? We have all heard the saying, “In order to love someone else, you first must learn to love yourself.” Having good self-esteem is like having money in the bank. When life throws curve balls at you, there is a better chance of making the right decision when you are confident in your ability to do so.
And finally there is the subject of time. Let’s say that Max is thirty years old, happy with himself and pleased with what he has accomplished. He meets twenty-seven year old Candice who has a pleasant personality and he falls head over heels for her. For the next few months, they are inseparable and friends remark how they are able to finish each other’s sentences. By the third month, Max breaks off the relationship because at times Candice is just too indecisive. Instead of standing on her convictions, she caves and will usually agree with him. Candice is heartbroken and they go their separate ways.
Let’s jump ahead ten years. Candice is happy with the decisions that she made for herself and at age thirty-seven, she is a very self-aware and confident woman. If a decade ago, she had met Max with her present wealth of experience, they might have gotten along more positively and found they were extremely suited to each other.
Forty-year old Max, on the other hand, has been married for the pass five years and has three children. Many times he wishes that his wife was a bit less head-strong and opinionated because they keep bumping heads whenever a decision needs to be made.
I said all this to refer to another old saying, which is, “Being at the right place, at the right time.” We might idealistically think that it’s a shame that Max and Candice did not meet under better circumstance but in the long run, time rules us all.
So when you decide to set up the relationship scale with you on one side and your partner on the other, remember how many components are really being placed there. Star-crossed is just a way of saying that two people have similar interests and seem compatible when they meet but the scale still seems unbalanced.
True love is knowing that as time marches on, things will be placed on and taken away from that scale, sometimes causing a really scaring balancing act. I would say that the fourth component to love is the ability to learn when to compromise but that just wouldn’t be romantic, now would it?